So You Want to Move to NYC
I get it. The number one question I get asked when I speak to students at my alma mater in Omaha, Nebraska is: “How the hell do I get out of Omaha and move to NYC?”
There’s oodles of reasons to want to move out of whatever suburban or rural hellscape you currently live in. For me, it was the fact that the Midwest is not a fun place to be a queer trans person of color. Also the lack of public transportation. I cannot drive to save my life and when you can’t drive yourself to Target, Olive Garden or to the mall, what else is there to do? NYC also has that “main character in a Hulu show” appeal. I get it, we all get it. But up and moving to NYC is a PROCESS.
So, how does one move to NYC?
You can pretty much break it down into five parts:
Get that bag (you need money and a job).
Find somewhere to live (and roommates who won’t kill you) and move your earthly possessions.
Figure out how the hell this city works.
Networking, making friends, and dating (or getting laid).
Have an existential crisis.
Get that bag.
NYC is obscenely expensive. We’ve long passed the days of Covid-era rent deals and we’re solidly in inflation hell. Still, there are ways to move here without pawning off a kidney. I moved here as an intern, paying rent on both a lease I was closing out back home and on my apartment in Brooklyn. Here’s my general guidance, with the grain of salt that I was unburdened by student debt (thank you scholarships).
You need to save enough money for at LEAST five months of living expenses before moving here, three if you have a job (or at least an internship) here already secured.
Your monthly rent can range anywhere from around $950 (good luck) to $1500 (more realistic) or more.
Account for moving costs, broker fees, deposit, utilities, and simply buying new shit.
Example budget:
My rent in Crown Heights (a four bedroom shared with three roommates): $1,425
Renters insurance: $17.42
Phone: $50.61 (You’re gonna need an unlimited plan here simply for Google Maps purposes)
MTA: $127 (unlimited pass)
Groceries: $300 (low end)
And these are just the, like, basic necessities for a total of $1920.03 (and yes, you can rent a nice house in Omaha for less than that).
You need a job.
Update your portfolio and resume.
Set up LinkedIn job alerts for your target job in NYC.
Make a spreadsheet to track applications, deadlines, and status.
Tap your network! Like 90% of hires in our industry happen network-first via referrals and recruiters.
Connect with recruiters on LinkedIn!
Freelance is an option to get your foot in the door at an agency but don’t count on it as freelancers are often hired off their pre-existing relationships in their network.
See below for a screenshot of the actual spreadsheet I used to keep track of the jobs and internships I was applying to before moving here. It helps to also keep the links to the postings so you can refer back to them before your interviews.
2. Find somewhere to live.
First. lower your expectations. Having laundry in your apartment, much less your building, is a rarity. The same goes for dishwashers or gyms, unless you have nepo baby money (in which case, I am flipping you off through the screen). You’re going to have better luck finding affordable housing in Brooklyn than in Manhattan unless you’re willing to live waaaaaay uptown, like Harlem and up. I usually refer people to Bedstuy, Bushwick, and Crown Heights for the sweet spot of affordability and access to Manhattan. But yeah, you will be a gentrifier. There’s also always Long Island City but good luck getting laid (more on that later). Also, you will not be able to live alone until you make above around $90k, so roommates it is.
I usually tell people to start looking on Facebook. It’s probably the only thing the site is still good for, besides reminding you of people’s birthdays. Start with this group, this one, and if you’re queer, this one. You can try to fill a bedroom in an apartment with people looking for roommate replacements. In that case, be prepared to face a more stringent interview process than if you were preparing to work at Edelman. You can also try to link up with others to enter a lease on an apartment together, but it’ll require some serious financial qualifications. Usually, you’ll need to make 40x the monthly rent. Yeah, that’s right. FORTY. You might need to line up a parent (or someone else who for some baffling reason is willing to assume that financial risk if you can’t pay up) as a guarantor if not.
I ended up choosing to live in a co-living property. Co-living is a lot like dorming in college. You get roommates assigned to you, and often, there’s only one bill to pay, rent and utilities bundled. Some companies don’t even require a guarantor or don’t have income requirements. There’s a handful of co-living companies like Outpost Club, Roomrs, and Common Living. You can read more about co-living here. Although, if you think living with strangers could be risky, you’re right. I ended up moving out from my first co-living apartment when one of my roommates deliberately pissed in another roommate’s room out of spite. I’ve luckily had better luck in roommates since then.
2. Part B, Moving
Of course, you can just make like a lesbian on a second date and hire a U-Haul. But if you can’t drive or renting a moving van doesn’t make sense financially, or you just don’t have that much stuff, you can always do what I did. I sold off most of my stuff, except for my books and clothes, and used Media Mail shipping to ship my books to myself. Media Mail is a service through USPS that lets you ship books, CDs (if you still use those), DVDs, and the like for astoundingly cheap prices. I used a couple of giant suitcases for the rest of my stuff and just paid extra for them on my flight. In 2018, when I came to the city for an internship, I took the Amtrak to take advantage of their ridiculously generous baggage policy that lets you check two bags for free, two more bags for $20 each, as well as the standard carry-on personal item and two carry-on bags. The weight limit for bags is 50 pounds, but their oversize rate for 76-100 linear inch long luggage is also only $20 per bag. Plus, I’ll always have a soft spot in my heart for train travel and its views (snag a seat in the viewing car and do not move).
3. Figuring Out How NYC Works
So, hopefully, you’ve found a job, an apartment, roommates, and moved your stuff in. Cool, now to figure out how to navigate city life.
How to Use Public Transit
How Not to be A Dumbass
Neighborhoods
How To Order at a Bodega
Bonus Section: How to Be Autistic in NYC
Using Public Transit
Your experience of NYC life is going to be most affected by what train lines you live on. It doesn’t just affect your commute but also your access to things like Trader Joe’s, and what neighborhoods you spend your free time in, etc. My first apartment was off the J train, so I spent a lot of time in the LES (Delancey St-Essex St stop), Chinatown (Canal St stop), and Williamsburg (Marcy St stop). My current place is off the A/C, so I spend a lot of time in Fort Greene (Lafayette Av), Downtown Brooklyn (Hoyt-Schermerhorn), Soho (Spring St) and Central Park (72 St) on the weekends. Try to live near at least two different train lines since odds are, one might be down at the worst moment.
You’ll mostly be able to get around using Google Maps, but some things to keep in mind. NYC now uses OMNY, a tap-to-pay system. OMNY has a 7-day fare cap, so if after your 12th ride in a 7-day period, the rest of your rides are free in that same 7-day period.
Service issues are fairly common in the city. I usually check this Twitter account for the most recent updates. If you have anything particularly important to be on time for, I usually try to get to the area 15-30 min early and kill time there, instead of risking delays.
Some general rules: Don’t eat on the fucking train, you weirdo (unless it’s like a granola bar and you’re starving). Don’t try to talk to strangers and chat people up. Ignore people crying on the train (crying in public is a sacred NYC ritual, more on that later). Stand behind the yellow line in the subway and stay alert for pushers. People jump turnstiles but keep an eye out for cops lying in wait trying to make arrest quotas (it’s a $100 fine). DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH PEOPLE, especially ones who look a little stabby. If a homeless person asks for money, either give them a couple of bucks or politely decline, no need to call the cops, even if they’re agitated. Only narcs call the cops. Of course, intervene if there’s someone vulnerable in trouble but don’t get into a fight, instead invite the vulnerable person to sit or stand next to you. A general rule of thumb, though, if you can feel trouble brewing, just switch cars.
How Not to Be a Dumbass
If you’re gonna stop and look at your phone on the street, step to the side and get the fuck out of the way of people walking.
Don’t get scammed. If people ask you for donations and they say they take Venmo, run.
Don’t get into drugs, it’s too expensive of a habit in NYC.
If you drink and want to get turnt, pre-game at home, drinks are obscenely expensive. Going sober was the best thing I ever did for my budget.
Don’t wear flip-flops and open-toed shoes. That’s disgusting. Also, you might step in shit or on a needle.
Don’t make like a Fox News anchor and pretend NYC is dangerous. It’s only dangerous if you’re an idiot.
Neighborhoods
Okay, this is going to be my highly personal, biased, and subjective opinion. Caveat, caveat, nuance, nuance. Cool.
Brooklyn -
Williamsburg: overpriced, hipster, tourist zone only good for visiting Domino Park, restaurants, and hooking up with people who DJ or are doing the start-up thing. Highlights: aforementioned Domino Park, The Commodore (bar with incredible fried chicken), Pies and Thighs (more fried chicken but also pies), and Nitehawk Cinema (hipster theater that serves food in the theater, often with dishes and drinks inspired by the films running).
Greenpoint: Also hipster and overpriced but a great place to hang out and explore. Highlights: Archestratus (cookbook and gourmet store), Wen-Wen (modern Chinese), Citroen (chill French food), and Sweetleaf (a chain but this location has the comfiest chairs).
Bushwick: Fun bars, where the real nightlife is at, lots of good thrifting. You will hook up with an artist here, or at least someone who makes zines. Highlights: Mood Ring (bisexual astrology and Wong Kar-Wai-inspired bar with a mini dance floor), House of Yes (where Burners go to party), and Red Pavilion (sexy Chinese bar with jazz, self-described as “Asian Neo-Noir cabaret,” and TCM-inspired cocktails and baiju shots).
Bedstuy and Crown Heights: Residential, chill, lots of great places to eat. You will end up joining a community garden. Highlights: Lunatico (bar with live jazz like every night), Peaches (Southern food), Ras Plant Based (vegan Ethiopian food).
Fort Greene and Clinton Hill: Where you will settle down if you end up making the big bucks. Highlights: The Brooklyn Strategist (board game cafe), Greenlight Books (indie bookstore with lots of author events), and Le French Tart (combination French bakery and gourmet shop).
Downtown Brooklyn: only good for the Target/Trader Joe’s/McNally Jackson/Alamo Drafthouse/food court combo at Albee Square. I guess also Brooklyn Bridge Park, but like, barely, unless you cried your eyeballs out over A24’s Past Lives.
Manhattan -
FiDi: No one goes here unless they work here. You might go to Battery Park once.
Tribeca: Offices, Sweetgreens, art galleries. Also, Taylor Swift lives here. Next!
Soho: Where most clothing brands have their big outposts. AVOID during fashion week if you don’t know how to serve looks. More art galleries.
Nolita and Bowery: Hipsters galore. Cool shops. You may run into celebrities here. Highlights: Thai Diner (a “Thai love letter to the American diner”), Scentbar (an indie perfume shop with incredibly knowledgeable staff and free samples), and the New Museum of Contemporary Art.
LES: The beating heart of millennial life in the city. Highlights: Russ & Daughters Cafe (iconic NYC Jewish food), the Tenement Museum, Katz’s Deli (hold onto your pink order ticket), International Center of Photography Museum, and Economy Candy (old-school candy store).
East Village: Grungy hipsters. Good food. Visit Veselka for pierogies.
West Village: Nepo babies and trust fund kids. Also old rich people.
Chinatown: Where all the good food is at. Highlights: Nom Wah Tea Parlor (iconic dim sum parlor, bring cash or visit their location in Nolita), Mei Lai Wah (get their famous pork buns), Sung Hing Lung (cash-only rice roll joint, no seating so find a bench at the park across the street), and Shanghai 456 (pre-game with incredibly cheap dim sum, don’t order the entrees).
Washington Square, Union Square: NYU students. I guess you can buy weed here if you haven’t figured out a dealer yet. Union Square Travel Agency is like the Apple store of weed.
Flatiron: Tourists. Visit Eataly, which is like a Disney store but for Italian food, but only during tourist off-seasons.
Midtown and Times Square: Hell. I once dumped someone because they lived here. Will only visit for the Fotografiska, a sexy photography museum with a bar in a church, and L’Express, a French restaurant and bar open until 4 am in case you want to eat foie gras past bedtime (it happens).
Chelsea: Art galleries, the Highline, Chelsea Market. Also, Printed Matters if you’re an art book nerd. Pretty piers.
Hells’ Kitchen: Gay and gritty.
Museum Mile: What it says on the tin. Particularly love the Jewish Museum and the Neue Galerie, a museum highlighting German and Austrian art from the early twentieth century.
Harlem: Incredible culture and good food galore. You must eat at Sylvia’s and Melba’s at least once while living here.
How to Order at a Bodega
Know what you want. Don’t hem and haw, especially when you have people behind you.
The formula: Type of sandwich-on a-type of bread-with-condiment/s. Ex: bacon-egg-and-cheese-on-a-roll-with-mayo-hot-sauce. One breath.
Read this Reddit thread for more.
Bonus section: How to Be Autistic in NYC
Headphones. And backup headphones. I physically cannot ride the subway without headphones. I don’t like the noise-canceling kind because it’s important to still be aware of your surroundings.
A handheld fan. Summer in NYC is the best and worst time to be in the city. So much to do and so much sweat. Having a fan you can pull out and use in the sweaty subway or after sprinting to meet friends for brunch is a lifesaver.
Essential oils. If you are sensitive to odors, I like putting a tiny dab of essential oils on a mask or my collar to help mask the ever-present smell of weed, urine, and trash (L’Eau d’Neu Yorque).
Monochrome lenses. The sheer amount of visual information and stimuli can be overwhelming, colored glasses like these can help flatten everything out.
4. Networking, making friends, and dating (or getting laid).
“New York isn’t New York, without you, love.” - St. Vincent
Networking:
This section is going to be real specific to my industry.
A low-commitment way to meet creatives is Creative Mornings, a lecture series each month on a different theme.
You can join local chapters of national organizations like AIGA NY or community organizations like Asians in Advertising. Volunteering at events can also help build lasting relationships.
Volunteer with outreach programs like 100 Roses from Concrete and Creative Ladder. You can find more organizations and opportunities here in my unhinged advertising/PR resource spreadsheet.
AdTwitter (I’m never calling it AdX). I’ve made some of my best industry friends (and met my current copy partner) by shitposting on Twitter. You could just see who follows the R/GA Twitter account and follow them.
Making Friends:
What’s the point of having access to some of the best restaurants, museums, and more in the world if you have no one to share it with? But if you’ve left all your college friends behind in the suburbs, and you’re not religious or into team sports, it can be hard to make friends outside of work. And no one wants to spend that much time with coworkers no matter how cool they are.
Meetup group events! I made one of my best friends at a No More Lonely Friends event, a social group where pretty much everyone rocks up alone and leaves making at least one new friend. There’s also lots of groups on Geneva, an app for social groups. I’m part of the Cinema Sorority, a movie club for women (but inclusive of NB/trans folk).
Volunteering! You can find a local community garden near you, a neighborhood clean-up group, or a soup kitchen. It’s a great way to connect with your community and meet neighbors.
Running, I guess. There are so many run clubs in NYC. Not my jam but you do you. There is a Slow Girl Run Club, which is more my speed (ha, get it?).
Classes! You can take classes in literally anything in this city. I especially love this urban drawing class from Kevin Zych.
Dating/Getting Laid
NYC is a special hell for dating. It’s expensive, people are assholes, and clout counts for a lot. I’ve had to swerve people who perk up a little too much when you mention hanging out at fashion week. There’s also just the sheer quantity of people on the apps. Swiping fatigue is real. My greatest blessing in life is that I was banned from Tinder the first year I moved here. But there’s something to be said about getting to know a new city by meeting people in different areas.
My personal rules:
Always check which train station a person lives near. No relationship will survive more than one subway transfer.
Inter-borough relationships are long-distance relationships.
No one’s going to Long Island, Staten Island, or Jersey for a date, even if you’re soulmates.
Do they know that there’s free STI testing at Fort Greene and Chelsea? No? Then they probably haven’t been tested since moving here after college. Sure, they can do it at CityMD, but… they’re probably not going to.
What are their views on polyamory/ENM? To be honest, after you move to Brooklyn, there’s a nonzero chance you’re going to become polyamorous. Especially if you’re into rock climbing, Dungeons and Dragons, or Renaissance faires. I’m all of the above, so yeah, I’m poly now. I love Brooklyn Poly as a good starting place. Or you could just download Feeld.
The lesbians are on Lex. There’s also the bar scene. Cubbyhole is cash-only and cozy (crowded af) and it’s practically a rite of passage to date one of their bartenders. Ginger’s has way more space and lots of fun events. The Woods isn’t a lesbian bar but it is on Wednesdays. Henrietta Hudson’s is a lesbian nightclub. The Bush is new but I don’t know anyone who goes there. You can also check out Dave’s Lesbian Bar events but if you fall in love there, be forewarned that they likely live in Astoria which might as well be Alaska.
I guess you could meet people in real life, you freak. I like the Thirsty Gallerina, an IG account that tells you which art galleries are going to have free booze during openings. Or you can pick an event on Eventbrite if you can find the courage to go to events alone.
5. Having an existential crisis.
So you uprooted your whole life and moved to NYC? You’re likely going to have an existential crisis like your second month living here. Maybe it’s the stress of your new job, maybe you got ghosted by Bumble Bro #7, or maybe you caught a case of bedbugs (I’ve been there, twice. You’re gonna need BBLNYC). So some things to know:
Crying in public is a-okay. No one cares. I once had a breakdown on a sidewalk and people just stepped around me.
Crying on the subway is normal just don’t be loud about it.
Know the best places to cry. I love the Ramble in Central Park, Domino Park (but not on the pier, on the crop of rocks just beyond), Riverside Park, and this exact spot. Don’t ask questions.
Being sad when you move to a new place is normal. But in time, you’ll have friends, a life, and a favorite breakfast spot. And you’ll feel like you belong.
Sometimes you just need to smoke a joint and get dumplings. And ice cream.
It’s okay not to like NYC. You don’t have to stay here and leaving doesn’t mean you’re a failure.
But also, try to remember, you can be miserable in Ohio or you can be miserable in New York City. And I’d rather be miserable in Central Park than an Olive Garden.